books. backseats. blockquotes

When I read a book, I almost always rush through it to get to the end. I think I'm just too impatient, (and it's a habit carried over from middle school when I didn't want anyone to think I was a slow reader) but, inevitably, when I realize there's only about 15 pages left, I slam on the brakes. I'm just not quite ready for it to end.

Even though my youngest brother is practicing for drivers test as we speak, I still think of him as the cutest little boy ever. He has so much life and always has. When he was younger and all six of us would be in the car on vacation all of a sudden Daniel would get really excited about something he saw and he would yell, "Hey! Hey! Guys...everybody, whoa-did you see that??" And by the time we finally got out of him what he was talking about, the thing that had captivated him to such excitement was long gone. We missed it.

Sometimes I think this same attitude carries over to our lives. And I think sometimes God is like a little kid in the backseat that's so excited and is exclaiming, "Hey! Did you see that? Look-hurry!" But we're driving too fast and we're too focused to even notice the disappointment He feels at missing out on what He's excited about and wants to share with us.

Isn't life so much more than that? Isn't there so much beauty left to be seen? And why wouldn't we take the time to see the bright colors and strange sights and things that make us thankful and things that confuse us in their complexity? Life is more than we give it credit for. I'm afraid God intends for us to get more out of it than we do.

I just finished Cold Tangerines and I want to leave you with a quote (one of many highlighted) that I really like.

Because it seems like that's what God is saying to us, over and over. "What can I do today to remind you again how good this life is? You think the color of the sky is good now, what till sunset. You think oranges are good? Try a tangerine." He's a crazy delightful mad scientist and keeps coming back from the lab with great, unbelievable new things, and it's a gift.

"Oh honey, there are so many things in life worth your tears, but this just isn't one of them..."

This was a converstation I had with one of my players, who was also a cheerleader, that had a cheer competition and basketball game on the same day earlier this year.

For some reason this scene that played out in the weightroom months ago popped into my head and got me thinking.

I'm not ashamed to say that it the past 12 months I've had my far share of crying, and honestly, I could probably justify the majority of those tears-heartache, frustration, growing, change, confusion...very few people would fault me for it. As my mom says, "It's more that ok to have your moment, just don't let it become WHO you are."

But when I'm honest with myself, how many of those tears were shed for the hurting and the hungry?
For the lost?
How many tears led to positive action rather than self pity?
Were any out of brokenness or humility?
And when I get to the heart of it, what does that say about my priorities?
And how do I even begin to justify that?

I'm running in a marathon in a couple weeks. Well, actually a relay marathon-which is far less impressive, but still quite far. I committed to run a couple of months ago and have had ample time to prepare. Yet, here I am, two weeks away and can still barely make it two miles without stopping. Sad, huh?

There are so many times when I'm humbled by how far I have to go (not that I ever thought I was close to where I need to be, but wowzers!). Is my lack of preparedness, motivation, and commitment a trend in my life? Or in my walk with Christ?

But the good news, no, the BEST news, is that Christ consistently and subtly calls our attention to the things that matter. The things of Him. He puts people and things and memories and stories and movies and a baby's laughter and snow capped mountains in our lives, and all of these somehow beckon us sweetly and softly back to Him.

And suddenly the beauty of mountains and the pain of running and the memory of a conversation from months before make me more acutely aware of my passions and priorities in a wonderfully intricate way. A way that only my Father could weave together to make sense in my life.

Long Time, No Blog

SNOW. SO MUCH SNOW.

I tried to leave today. I didn't get far. Chalk that up to me being a chicken driving on ice or the fact that I didn't have a whole lot of motivation to get to practice or that that I kept sliding and getting stuck, either way-it didn't last long.

The snow has been rather nice though.

So for my first blog in 3 months or so, I thought I'd leave you with some pictures.

This is Gracie and me sledding on 1st snow day :)

And this is me trying to leave...

Ice Skating with the boyfriend :)

Picking me up on the scooter. We got lots of laughs and honks and pictures taken.

Sweet fort we built while we were snowed in.

I hope everyone else who's had snow days have taken full advantage of your days off!

I've been sitting in a Jammin' Java for the last couple hours working on...stuff? Sorta. And I became painfully aware of how good I am at wasting time. So in light of this revelation, I started going through pictures on my computer from the last couple months. It's been a wonderful last couple of months. It's been insanely busy, emotional, challenging, and reflective. But it's been so much. And sometimes when I'm tempted to focus on the less than ideal parts, it's as though God reminds me, "Hey, it's ok! Look at all I've given you!" I am so blessed. Through everything, I'm learning and growing and changing and loving. And finding joy.

There's joy in hitting my ball in the water 8 times while putt-putting.
There's joy in doing cart wheels in front of the Alamo and getting lost in Tulsa trying to find a coffee shop and walking on the Riverwalk and going to baseball games in Kansas City. There's joy in the face of my 5 year old cousin. And there's an ultimate joy in knowing that God intended us to live a life focused on bringing glory to Him in everything we do. Life is so full of joy that isn't to be missed!

 

2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."

3 The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

Make you smile.

I live with my grandma.
I love hearing stories.
My grandma is a phenomenal story teller. About 5 Christmases ago, my cousins, brother, and I were genuinely mad when we found out the stories she told us when we were little came from Little House on the Prairie.

But tonight, we are sitting here watching Sleepless in Seattle, and she starting telling me about her first husband who died in a car wreck when she was 24. She starting talking about him tonight. Turns out they met the day before her 21st birthday and were married 9 days after her 21st birthday. They eloped. And I can only imagine the chaos and the panic she put in my great-grandparents. I bet it was beautiful. And they were crazy in love. And I've decided we would have been very good friends.



I love hearing stories.

Right where I'm going to want to be...

This time of transition is on my mind a lot lately. I guess because I'm right in the middle of it. I've watched more movies made between 1930 and 1960 than I ever thought I would in a month (I adore them), I've eaten more home cooked meals than I ever did at my apt, and I freeze to death all the time (so I've started running again (this parenthesis can also apply to the previous point)). Perks of living with your grandma.

Tonight was the first fuel, and I pray that it went absolutely wonderful and that it will impact so many students the way it impacted me. And honestly, this time last week I would have completely bummed I was missing out. And while I still miss it and wish I could see everybody, I'm ok. Somewhere between watching my cousins and uncle play softball and fighting with my "daughter" in "Spanish" with my 5 year old cousin during a 25 minute car ride and a dozen hugs in the hallway today and laughing till I cried at something a 12 year old said, I realized that I'm not only where I'm supposed to be, I'm exactly where I'm going to want to be, too. And I think that's the trick. Make where you're supposed to be, where you want to be. I'm getting there.

I'm looking for churches. I found one I really like. We'll see where that goes.

Breathe in deep
Before I say
I can feel us slip away
You're almost gone
You're good as gone
August is over

My kids are writing their journal entry to this song tomorrow. "Choose a metaphor or simile to describe August. Explain in at least 3 sentences." GO!

Some things to be missed...







August is over...

When I was in middle school, every time I read a book, I would read the first chapter then the last page. I somehow had to know if it was going to be ok. I don't know when I stopped doing that...

So I started teaching last week. It's a little different adjusting to the reality that the majority of my conversations are with 12 year olds these days. And today, when teaching analogies and metaphors, I had to specify that nothing could be compared to any bodily function after a boy in my first class used pee, poop, doodyhead, and fart. I promptly threw his paper away and made him start over. I also had to ban saying Justin Beiber because it sparked an intense argument in one class. I think I may be in over my head.

Transition is a weird. I have mixed feelings. But the one thing I keep reminding myself is that this is exactly where God wants me. I can't focus on what I could be doing or used to be doing because then I would completely miss out on what I'm supposed to be doing. And I love my 7th graders...well most of them. But they are so awkward and unsure and in this limbo in life between a little kid and a teenager. I know how much they are going to grow up right before my eyes, and if I can help in even a little way, it will be worth it.

I finally know, how you stand
against the worst there is
I finally found,
The strength you've tried to tell me about

Oh, even when the sky is crashing down
You, You locked your knees and stood up straight
You, Are the strength inside my veins
Oh, I want to feel the strength you know

And what does it take to believe
In all the things you believe
And maybe I need to listen more carefully

I think maybe the trick is to get through the first chapter...the rest gets easier.