Contentment is a struggle for me. Sometimes daily.
It feels like running a track for miles and days and years, all the while never knowing that there are oceans and mountains and rivers and forests to run through. Although, this isn't a problem if you've never ran through a forest, but once you have, a track will never be enough.
And so I find myself in this constant battle of repeating said verse and pinning things like this:
And this may not seem like a big deal, but it starts to penetrate and makes me question what I'm doing with my life...even when I'm perfectly fine. But is perfectly fine what we're here for? And when did life become about my adventure? I am completely confident that if I tried to control my life based on what my idea of adventure, I'd lead a very empty and meaningless life.
But that doesn't change the fact that this idea of pursuing our happiness and our truth is everywhere and draws me in often. And makes it seem like this life I've been given isn't enoough...and I find myself unable to muster any contentment and get mopey comparing my life to others.
This far from godly contentment.
But on the other hand, discontentment isn't always negative. It extends outside of comfort zones. It opposes indifference. It provides excitement. It confirms we're alive and are made for something bigger.
But then again...
I'm an extrovert. For better or worse.
This means that when I'm alone for more than an hour, I get a little stir crazy. I like people. I feel connected, and connectedness is something that I need to feel complete. And I'm better than I used to be, but sometimes, oh, sometimes, being alone triggers an onslaught of overwhelming, suffocating lies that try to consume me.
I'm not enough.
I'm too much.
I should be more...less...further along...somewhere else entirely.
And this type of discontent is when I find myself repeating 1 Timothy 6:6. And this is when I get away to beg God to quiet my insecuries with his peace and reassurance that I'm exactly where he wants me.
And he always does.
And I'm reminded of the truth that so often our strengths are often our biggest weaknesses.
Maybe this is God's way of keeping us humble.
Maybe this is His way of breaking us to teach us this is His story, but He chose us to play an important part.
And maybe this time in my life is to prepare me for something else..something different, and this is His way of showing me the value of being patience, all the while reminding me softly, "Godliness with contentment is of great gain."
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the sun..."
"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." — C.S. Lewis
